Integrity

From past few months I have been witnessing several events in the world which some way or the other can be related to this word or the lack of this word and hence I believe the significance of this word has increased in our life. Integrity can be defined in many ways but the one which I found most appropriate is “moral soundness”.

It summaries this one more definition in two words “Integrity as a concept has to do with perceived consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. ...”.

Starting from the recession which originated due lack of integrity in Financial Organizations whose actions directly affect the global economy. It is the lack of integrity of the authorities who are suppose to monitor and audit the financial scenario of a superpower country and it is the lack of integrity in the people whose greed for money blinded them to see what is the greater good. We all know the ripples of this earthquake affected innocent people who never saw it coming. These tough times taught us many things like how to be responsible in our financial dealings and saving for the rainy day.

The second event which comes to my mind is Satyam Saga. How a so called visionary leader can do such a thing. It’s the lack of integrity which made him do things which tarnished the image of one of the best Software Services Company of India. It’s not possible that the scam would have taken place without the Knowledge of authorities both internal and external to Satyam. Somebody at some position remained silent even after knowing what’s going on.

Then there is this whole IPL GATE. Everyone knew how much money is involved in IPL affair in last 3 years and nobody so far bothered about it. It took the tweet from the father of the IPL himself which blew up the whole cover and then not only resulted in exit of one of most honest Minister (I admire Mr. Tharoor and I believe what he did was just for the betterment of his state. ) but also created problems for everyone involved in IPL. Later there were cover stories of how there is financial inconsistency in this whole event. Although it is yet to be proved who all are the culprits and what is the sin committed but still we all agree that there is something fishy going on in this mega event. As for Mr. Tharoor is considered I believe it’s not wrong to have a beautiful female friend and providing Sweat equity of a franchise to a lady about whom it is said ““She can sell sand to the Arabs and ice to the Eskimos!”; There is nothing wrong in it if you really understand the meaning of sweat equity but anyways if you think I am taking side without noting the facts, then I can just say I expected Mr. Tharoor to resign and not to take a position in government until his name is cleared, which he did and I am now waiting for the truth to come out. As far as Mr. Modi is concerned no doubt he created one of the best leagues in the world but considering so much money was involved and so many famous personalities were involved. He should have given emphasis on greater transparency and governance. Let’s see what comes out of this whole controversy.

To summarize things the importance of Integrity cannot be taught in educational institution but I think it should be included in the courses. The future leaders and budding talents should understand it. We all should understand and take decisions in our life with keeping integrity in mind.

Liars....

Few days back I came across a very good article on Why Women Lie at askmen.com. It was an interesting read. In short it gave the following reasons why women lie:-

1.      She wants to spare your feelings

2      She’s trying to hide her past

3.    She doesn’t want you to worry

4.    She’s protecting herself

5.    She wants to make herself look good

6.    She doesn’t trust you

7.    She’s manipulative

8  . She’s testing you

9.   She wants to keep the upper hand

I am not going into the details of the article since it looks to be more from male oriented point of view and doesn’t give women an equal footing. What I was thinking after reading this article is; this is true with any liar and not only women. We all lie and face liars in day to day life. So what I wanted to write today is how to deal with it since it is something which we will face sooner or later and no matter who is lying to you; it may affect many things and in many ways.

In my opinion you have two choices: - either you confront or you ignore. But for this decision you have to understand why that person lied to you and the intentions can be any of the above 9 which I have mentioned earlier. In cases where a person is considering your feelings or is trying to hide his/her past or don’t want you to worry about something the lie can be ignored considering that the intentions are good.

If someone is lying to protect herself then you have to find out if you can talk to that person about it and bring him/her to a comfort zone where they can open up and tell you about it so that you can help them. If they don’t want to talk about it then we have to leave it at that; but if this incident had hurt you in a way you can tell them indirectly about this.

Now the negative traits of lying; if the person wants to look good or doesn’t trust you or is manipulative then you have to see if confronting this person is more important or saving the relationship. If you think the relationship cannot survive if you don’t get things cleared then you should go ahead and ask for an explanation But If you think this time you can ignore and want to give the person second chance that’s good but watch your back.

If you confront you may get that person to agree that he/she lied to you and you can move on from there and continue or break the relationship based on the impact of the lie. If you ignore then it depends sooner or later you will come to a situation where you will either feel good that you ignored it or will be cheated again and then you will have to put your step down.

Now to the grey shade of lying; If that person is testing you or wants to have an upper hand in conversation. You can’t call it bad since it may depend on the intention of that person if this lie is good or bad. Sometimes it’s good if people force us to see the light or if they want to check our intentions they might lie to test us. In both ways you have to weigh the impact of it and then take a decision.

The most important thing in all this is you have to see the situation at the third person’s point of view if you want to get to a conclusion. Relationship cannot survive if they are built on the foundation of lies. Sooner or later the truth will be revealed.

If you have been in touch with someone who is a habitual liar then it’s better not to trust that person for anything and leave him/her with their lies since one day you may get into a situation where you will make a complete fool of yourself because of this person’s habit and it will be more painful to handle it since you already knew that this person is a liar and still you got stuck in his/her web.

There is a more interesting scenario; what if you are telling truth and people consider it as a lie based on some things which make you a culprit even if you have not done anything like that in past and the worst part you don’t have a solid proof that you are telling the truth. Even if you scream at top of your lungs nobody is going to believe it. Now what will you do. Nothing....believe me you can’t do anything in this situation. This is a situation which I will really not like anybody to be in. It’s really bad since even you can’t help yourself forget anybody else.

So what to do? Well...first thing don’t except mercy from anyone. Stand your ground with your head held high. You have not lied and so you are not going to ask for forgiveness. Let the other person decide what they want to do. Whatever decisions they take agree to it be reiterating that you are not lying. If they break the relationship with you and don’t trust you anymore, so be it. Just help them as and when needed. If they trust you then be grateful of them and never do anything to hurt them. If they take a cautious approach and don’t take a stand. Let it be like that. Don’t push it. You don’t have anything to proof your innocence.

Let time be the real judge. Time reveals everything. If you are proved innocent in future that’s good, if time doesn’t give you that opportunity then some stories is best left without an ending.

Purpose...

“There's no escaping reason, no denying purpose - because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist. It is purpose that created us, Purpose that connects us, Purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines, Purpose that binds us.” 

This is a dialogue between Agent Smith and Neo from the Movie the Matrix Reloaded. Here Smith describes one of the finest observations of our lives. 

Purpose...This word can be considered as the most important word which defines our lives. Each and every one of us has a purpose in this life and we are here to find it and fulfill it. Everything we do has a purpose. Without a purpose we can’t understand the actions which we take in our life. But I want to write today is what happens if you can’t understand what is the purpose of your life or somehow you lose the purpose in your life and now wondering what should I do. Without a purpose we all are living a life which will never lead us anywhere. We will be stuck in the vicious circle of life and keep doing the same things again and again and will complain that we are not happy. 

 Just to summarize some general purposes in our lives; when you are student your purpose is to study hard and gain as much knowledge as you can. When in college the purpose is to get a good job. After getting a good job you try to excel in your work and your purpose becomes to gain money and fame. For others the purpose is to get married and start a family and then have a good life; for some others it could be finding their soul mate. But what if you suddenly lose your interest in any of these things; But what if the purpose for which you have given everything, dedicated yourself and got so emotionally and mentally attached to it that you don’t think of anything else anymore in life; what if that purpose fades slowly but surely and one day there is no sign of that purpose in your life. What will you do then? The important thing then is to remind yourself that you have to carry on with life. 

We have to analyze our present scenario and find out what else we can do. Is there any other purpose in our life? Many great leaders in their lives have lost their path and sight but it’s their persistence to continue walking on the path which lead them to their goal and that has given this world great inventions and great achievements. 

 The most important thing is to redefine your life based on the new circumstances. Take up new things, start something new, help others in achieving their dreams. Try to find good in everything. Fill your heart with joy and happiness. Negative emotions and negative feelings will only drain your energy and once you lose your purpose you will have a lot of time free with you and in these times the first guest who will visit you are these negative thoughts and feelings. 

Remember your attitude will define how much you will suffer in these moments of hopelessness and darkness. Soon you will find your purpose, something will come up which will excite you, which will give you the power to dream again. Things will turn in your favor and you will again start on this great Adventure called Life...

On Customer Sensitivity

Today I wanted to write about a very interesting person who has redefined the meaning of customer sensitivity for me; although I know him from a long time but never got a chance to talk to him. His name is Mohan and he works at BSNL customer care center as a bill payment operator. 

There is a bill payment machine for payment of mobile and telephone bills at the center and he takes the bills, scans and submits them at the machine after the proper payment by the user. At first I also felt what so special about this person or his job. I have been submitting the bills from last 5-6 months now and in between I observed some very interesting things. The most important thing is how Mohan does his job. 

Everyday many customers come to submit the bill and he has to stand in front of the machine to operate it. At some weekends the queue is as long as 40-50 customers at a given point of time but he processes every bill in a calm manner. He ensures that whenever he is talking to a customer his voice is polite and he gives clear instructions if required. No matter if you are the first user in the queue or the last; you have one bill to submit or five; he will greet you with a smile and will submit the bills in a very sophisticated manner after calculating the total amount.

Although it’s written there at the machine that the customer has to furnish exact amount as the bill since providing change will be difficult sometimes. Many of the customers hardly bother to provide exact change but I have never seen Mohan getting irritated by it. He first gives instruction that please bring exact amount next time and then he will give the change. If he doesn’t have it; he goes to the nearest counters and gets the change for the customer. 

The machine doesn’t allow processing of bills for which the payment due date is over and for these bills customers have to go to respective late bill submission counters and submit the bill. (Just a note I have never been there; I always submit my bills on timeJ.) 

I have seen customers arguing with him regarding this but he never takes the bait. He clearly tells them they have to go to the counter since he can’t process it. I have never seen him losing his temper. He maintains his cool, calm and composed personality. Being in the IT team for a long time I know how difficult it is to maintain a cool personality all the time and I still wonder how he does it but one thing is for sure Mohan has redefined the meaning of customer Sensitivity for me.

Aspirations...Expectations...Needs

“Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs” - William Howard Stein 

I came across this quote 3 years ago and from that moment I wanted to apply its teachings in my life. I believe that the whole concept of happiness revolves around these three things. 

The first one; keeping high aspiration is important since ambition is a key starter for anyone’s journey towards their goal. Before we succeed; we dream and this dream is the only thing which keeps us on the track of success and gives us hope that things will be alright whenever we are in difficult phase in this journey. It’s like the concept of a rocket… the amount and efficiency of the fuel in a rocket decides its altitude. The same way if we set our goals within realistic limits and we have the zeal to achieve it then nothing can stop us. 

The second one is the most difficult one to apply; having moderate expectations; why I am saying this is because it’s quite difficult to gauge our expectations. No matter how mature we are and how balanced life we are living we come across situations where we start expecting things from people which sometime are not justifiable, if you see from third person’s point of view. We start living in these expectations and start putting burden on people around us which in turn strains the relationship. 

Then what do we do in such situations; well here starts the difficult part you have to see the things in right perspective and start applying yourself so that you keep your expectations in check. It will not only give you satisfaction it will also save you from chasing a mirage which is created by your mind fueled by your feelings. 

If you see the other side of it then you will come to know what happens when other people have high expectations from you what will you do. If you think that these expectations are not at all justifiable then you can tell the other person straightaway but if you think its right then you just keep working towards these expectations and you will reach your goals in some time.

The key here is patience and persistence. 

The third one small needs; is it possible in today’s world? My view will be its good to live in luxury but not when you are living on your credit cards. So it’s important that we should review what we really need and then go for it. 

I am not saying we should stop dreaming. Its good to dream but we should not try to achieve them with shortcuts. The satisfaction which comes when we achieve something after a lot of hard work is simply eternal. Nothing can beat it and if you reach to a position by working hard where you can afford luxury then it’s all yours. 

One more advantage of building things from scratch will be, if unfortunately at some day everything you have will be taken away from you, you will still have the confidence that you can start everything again. Having small needs help a lot especially in the time of recessions. I hope you agree with me…